True Manhood in Islam

Allah, to Whom all praise and glory is due, says in Surah an-Noor, verse 37:

Men whom neither commerce nor sale distracts from the remembrance of Allah and performance of prayer and giving of zakah. They fear a Day in which the hearts and eyes will [fearfully] turn about.

And Allah says in Surah al-Ahzab, verse 23:

Among the believers are men true to what they promised Allah . Among them is he who has fulfilled his vow [to the death], and among them is he who awaits [his chance]. And they did not alter [the terms of their commitment] by any alteration

It is narrated that Umar ibn Al-Khattab was sitting with some of the companions in a house in Medinah. He said to them, "Make a wish." One of them said, "I wish that this house was filled with gold so that I would spend it in the path of Allah." Another one said, "I wish this house was filled with diamonds so that I would spend it in the path of Allah." Umar repeated, "Make a wish." They said, "O leader of the faithful, what do you wish?" Umar said, "I wish that this house was filled with men like Abu Ubaidah ibn Al-Jarrah, Muadh ibn Jabal, Salem, the freed slave of Hudhaifah, and Hudhaifah bin Al-Yaman.

Dear brothers and sisters, our topic today is the concept of manhood in Islam. It includes the meaning of manhood, the characteristics of manhood, the misconceptions regarding manhood, and how to inculcate manhood in our kids.

Manhood implies those characteristics that are deemed praiseworthy by peopel of intellect and whose absence is worthy of blame, and those include good morals, determination, etc. Every man is not characterized as a true man. Sometimes, a woman may be better than ten men on account of her excellent morals and attributes!

Allah praised His prophets (peace be upon them) in the Qur'an, describing them as honorable persons who faced difficulties while following the religion of Allah, Islam. Allah says in Surah Yusuf, verse 109:

Allah sent not before you [as messengers] except men to whom We revealed from among the people of cities.

Manhood includes characteristics in a person that go beyond the characteristics of the body. A real person in Islam is the one imbued with beautiful morals and a pure heart. Sahal ibn Sa'ad narrated that a person passed by Muhammad (pbuh) and he (pbuh) asked his companions, "What do you say about this person?" They said, "He is a person that if he sends a proposal it will be accepted, and if he intercedes on behalf of someone, his intercession will be accepted, and if he says something, people will listen to him." Muhammad (pbuh) kept quiet. Then another person passed by from among the poor Muslims. He (pbuh) asked, "What do you say about this person?" The companions said, "He is a person that if he sends a proposal it will be rejected, and if he intercedes on behalf of someone his intercession will not be accepted, and if he says something the people will not listen to him." Muhammad (pbuh) said, "The likes of this (poor) person are better than the treasures of the earth." Here, Muhammad (pbuh) illustrates that manhood is not because of a strong body, noble descent, or wealth. Rather, manhood is on account of faith and good morals.

In Islam, manhood has several characteristics. We should know them in order that we strive for them, and those include the following:

1.     Determination and self-discipline.

Among the qualities of a true believer is that he overcomes his ego, which is always inclined to sin. So when your ego invites you to sin, be a man and overcome the desire of your ego. A true man overcomes his ego - his ego does not command him! This is particularly true for those of our youth, for whom the doors of sin are spread open, but they proclaim, "We fear Allah". They are the true men. When the wife of a great ruler of Egypt invited Joseph (pbuh) to commit adultery with her, he (pbuh) said, "I seek Allah's protection!"

2.     Persistence in remembering Allah.

Manhood implies that you do not acquire worldly pleasures and be forgetful of the Hereafter. Surah an-Noor, verses 36-37, reads:

[Such niches are] in mosques which Allah has ordered to be raised and that His name be mentioned therein; exalting Him within them in the morning and the evenings - [Are] men whom neither commerce nor sale distracts from the remembrance of Allah and performance of prayer and giving of zakah. They fear a Day in which the hearts and eyes will [fearfully] turn about.

Once, Muhammad (pbuh) was addressing the people from the podium, when a caravan approached. All the companions, except twelve of them, left him. He (pbuh) said, "By Allah, if you had also followed them, and none of you had remained behind, the valley with you would have filled with fire". Allah Almighty then revealed Surah al-Jumuah, verse 11, "But when they saw a transaction or a diversion, [O Muhammad], they rushed to it and left you standing. Say, "What is with Allah is better than diversion and than a transaction, and Allah is the best of providers."

3.     Among qualities of true men is that they prefer obedience to Allah and Muhammad (pbuh) to the love of their wealth and children. Allah says in Surah al-Kahf, verse 46, "Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one's] hope."

Muhammad (pbuh) also said, "Accumulate lasting righteous deeds." His companions said, "What are they, O Messenger of Allah?" He (pbuh) said, "Glorifying Allah, being grateful to Allah, there is no god except Allah, praising Allah, and there is no power except Allah. Those are the lasting righteous deeds." Imam al-Ulusi said, "Wealth and children accelerate downfall; and remembrance of Allah is not like that. Wealth may bring trouble to a person, and a rebellious child neither brings benefit in this world nor in the Hereafter." Thus, the obedience to Allah and Muhammad (pbuh) are the true qualities of manhood.

4.     Loyalty and trustworthiness are also among the qualities of true manhood. When Muhammad (pbuh) emigrated from Mecca to Medina, he (pbuh) left Ali ibn Abi Talib behind in Mecca, to return all trusts to their owners. Later, when Mecca was returned to the Muslims, he (pbuh) gave the key to the Ka'aba to Uthman ibn Talha, and said, "This is your key, O Uthman. Today is the day of keeping the trust."

But when the Muslim ummah lost the morals that Muhammad (pbuh) delivered to them, the ummah lost its strength. A Christian scholar said, "Arabs lost their position when they forgot their morals that were delivered to them, and they became divided, lacking determination, inclined to pleasures and desires."

5.    Being answerable to Allah for the family. Allah says in Surah an-Nisa, verse 34, "Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth." Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Each one of you is a care-taker, and each one of you is answerable for those in his care. A man is care-taker over his family, and is answerable for those in his care.

6.     Humility, forgiveness to full extent, and perfect morals are also required. And this is often forgotten when men remember that they are supposed to be in charge of their families, so take caution. Some men incorrectly think that manhood means winning arguments, sticking to your opinion even if it is wrong, or displaying sternness over their wives and kids so that they treat the ones they are supposed to guide with harshness or cruelty. This is a mistake. The best of all creation, Muhammad (pbuh), was kind and affectionate and forgiving towards his family and towards all mankind. If this did not weaken his position as the leader of the family or of the Muslims, why are we afraid to follow in his (pbuh) example?

So how do we raise our sons to grow into men who exemplify all these manners of manhood as defined above?

1. We should bring them to the gatherings of their elders, so that they may learn wisdom and maturity from them.
2. We should teach our children to be respectful to all humans, especially to their elders. The best way to do this is by example. If we treat our wives disrespectfully in front of our sons, they will learn this habit. Similarly, if we backbite other Muslims in the presence of our youth, they will follow us in this example.
3. We should also show respect to our children and to give them their right in gatherings, and not deny them.
4. We should show our children importance. We should say salaam to them, we should listen to them, and we should give importance to their opinion.
5. We should not dress little boys in silk and gold, because silk and gold are for women and not for men, even if they are still boys.
6. We should tell our children stories of our religion and of the companions of Muhammad (pbuh) in order to teach them perfect etiquette and morals.

Our desire is to inculcate the characteristics of manhood among us so that we are true in regards to our covenant with Allah. And Allah knows best.

The dangers of lying

Allah, to whom all praise and glory is due, said:

Not a word does one utter but there is a watcher by it ready (to record).

 And Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

Truth leads to piety, and piety leads to paradise. A man persists in speaking the truth until he is recorded with Allah as a truthful person. Falsehood leads to transgression, and transgression leads to Hellfire. A man continues to lie until he is recorded with Allah as a liar.

Lying is to speak opposite of reality or opposite of truth, and this is forbidden by Allah and His messenger (pbuh). It is narrated that Muhammad (pbuh) was asked, "Can a believer be a coward?" Muhammad (pbuh) answered, "Yes." He was further asked, "Can a believer be stingy?" He (pbuh) answered, "Yes." He was then asked, "Can a believer be a liar?" He (pbuh) responded, "No."

Thus, Muhammad (pbuh) ruled that though a believer may be a coward or stingy due to weakness in faith, he cannot be a liar, as lying is not a characteristic of the believers.

Allah, to whom all praise and glory is due, said:

Surely, Allah does not guide the one who is a transgressor, a liar!

And Allah, to whom all praise and glory is due, said:

It is only those who believe not in the verses of Allah who fabricate falsehood, and it is they who are liars.

Zain al-Abideen Ali bin Hussan (may Allah be pleased with him) said to his children, "Beware of lies, whether small or big, in serious talk and in jokes, because the one who lies in small things also lies in big things. Know it that the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, 'A man persists in speaking the truth until he is recorded with Allah as a truthful person. A man continues to lie until he is recorded with Allah as a liar.'"

Lying is a terrible thing that has several manifestations. Among these are false oaths, false testimony, breaking promises, and lying for entertainment.

False Oath

When a man gives a false oath by swearing about something that he knows to be false, this is the biggest of all lies. Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Beware of the false oath, as it causes destruction of a house with its inhabitants."

We often observe traders and merchants taking false oaths to describe their merchandise to be good when in fact it is not. This false oath is called in Arabic as the Oath of Ghamoos and it pushes a person toward hellfire. One who makes a false of should repent and never return to lying.

Abdullah ibn Umer ibn Al-Aas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that a Bedouin came to Muhammad (pbuh) and said, "Oh Messenger of Allah! Which sins are the cardinal sins?" Muhammad (pbuh) said, "To associate partners with Allah." The Bedouin said, "Then which one?" He (pbuh) said, "al-yameen al-ghamoos". Abdullah asked, "What is al-yameen al-ghamoos?" Muhammad (pbuh) answered, "Swearing falsely to usurp the property of a Muslim."

Abu Umama Al-Harithi narrated that Muhammad (pbuh) said, "He who usurped the right of a Muslim through false oath, Allah will surely put him into Fire, and will forbid him Paradise." A man said, "Even for a small thing, O Messenger of Allah?" Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Even for a piece of Miswak (a small stick used to clean the teeth)!"

False testimony

False testimony is a grave thing as it results in freeing the oppressor and punishing the oppressed, and destroys Muslim unity. That is why Allah commanded:

Shun false statements.

 Abu Bakhra (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Muhammad (pbuh) said, "'Shouldn't I inform you of the biggest of cardinal sins?' We said, 'Yes, O Messenger of Allah!' He (pbuh) said, 'Associating partners with Allah and disobedience to the parents.' He was reclining and then he sat up and said, 'Beware of false statements.' And he (pbuh) kept on repeating this until we wished he would stop."

Allah and His messenger (pbuh) have forbidden false oath and false testimony as these are harmful for Muslims both in this world and the Hereafter. The one who indulges in false oath and false testimony invites the wrath of Allah in this world and the Hereafter. And a similar fate is due to the one who assists someone in false oath or false testimony. Allah said:

Help one another in righteousness and piety, and do not help one another in sin and transgression.

Breaking Promises and Lying for Entertainment

Keeping a promise is one of the characteristics of a believer, and breaking the promise is the characteristic of the hypocrite. Allah told us about Ishmael (pbuh):

Mention in the Book about Ishmael. Surely! He was true in his promise, and he was a messenger, and a prophet.

Some scholars said that Ishmael (pbuh) promised a person for something and then waited for him for one year but the person did not return.

When a person makes a promise he should fulfill it. Unfortunately, some Muslims break their promises and thus cause a breaking of Muslim unity. We as an ummah need to refrain from such behavior as it is forbidden (haraam).

Lying for entertainment means to forge a lie to make other people laugh. This is forbidden. Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Woe to him who utters a falsehood to make people laugh. Woe to him. Again, woe to him."

Every single category of lying is harmful and dangerous. One of the ways lying harms us is that a liar is not trusted by people. Even if he tells the truth, people will assume it is a lie. Another way lies harm is that it weakens Muslim unity. A truthful person is honored and respected by people, and this helps strengthen Muslim unity.

What Causes a Person to Lie?

One of the causes that prompts a person to lie is habit. A person may tell lies out of habit, e.g. he or she is a habitual liar. Another cause is greed. A person who is greedy and not content with what Allah provides for him or her is prone to lying. Another cause is enmity and envy. A person who has envy or enmity for other people is vulnerable to telling lies.

How Do We Stop Lying?

We should strive to speak the truth and shun lying, as this is one way to end lying. Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Knowledge comes by learning, and tolerance comes by practice, and he who seeks good is given that." So, when a Muslim tries to practice patience, Allah gives the Muslim patience. And when a Muslim tries to practice tolerance, Allah gives the Muslim toleranc. And when a Muslim tries to give up lying, telling the truth will be easy for the Muslim.

Another way to stop lying is to listen to the stories of the Companions and their followers. Truthfulness was among the characteristics that they had learned from Muhammad (pbuh), who was called As-Sadiq, Al-Amin (the truthful, the trust worthy); he (pbuh) neither lied, nor broke trust.

Remember that Allah, to whom all praise and glory is due, said:

O you who believe! Be conscious of Allah, and be with those who are truthful.

And Allah knows best.